


a reminder and reality check

by agentmaine



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Spoilers, for like one line - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 18:25:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11765751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentmaine/pseuds/agentmaine
Summary: Barry Bluejeans has a lot in his life that he could focus on - he could focus on the dread and danger that he's in, or the struggles he faces each day, or many more awful things that are inescapable in his day to day life. Instead, Barry focuses on Lup. And as he does, he finds himself in need of a reality check - to remind himself that his love is real.





	a reminder and reality check

Sometimes, Barry has to pinch himself. To remind himself that this is real. Not the fact that he and 6 others – most of whom he was never close to before they left on their journey – are living year after year without aging, each year placing them on a different plane of existence with a force known only as the Hunger chasing after them. That is not what Barry Bluejeans tries to rationalise. Thinking about that for too long leads to fear and panic and an awful fucking headache. He makes no attempt to make sense of the lot he’s been given in life. All he can do with that is live with it. He chooses not to focus on his own mortality, or lack of it, or whatever the hell it is he’s dealing with. Instead, he focuses on what is and what isn’t in each passing moment. The smaller picture, instead of the impossibly huge one.

Instead of wondering what the _fuck_ his life is, Barry has to pinch himself as a reminder that it is real. Not the terrifying aspects of it, he knows damn well that they’re real. Too many close encounters, and actual encounters, with death have proven that to him. Barry has to remind himself that the good bits are real. Specifically, he has to remind himself that what he has with Lup is real.

What he has with Lup is living proof that love can be found in even the darkest places.

She is his light in the darkest of tunnels. She is undoubtedly the most wonderful person Barry has ever met. She is beauty in its purest form. She is a calm day and a raging storm pushed together and finished off with a daredevil smile that knocks Barry off his feet. Even after decades. It would have the same effect after centuries – Barry is sure of it. He and Lup have grown old together without ever aging a day and amongst all the darkness and pain and turmoil, that is something to be thankful for. They have found a love that connects them impossibly deeply. Barry knows his connection to Lup is different to her bond with Taako; they have been beside each other since before they were even born. But he knows it is just as strong, in different ways.

Barry is most definitely in a long-term relationship. It is many, many, many years long. He has no doubt of Lup’s love for him. And yet, he still has to remind himself of its reality. You’d think he would have to remind himself of it in his darkest moments. Logically, it would make sense to forget it when everything else in the world is bleak, when the world is ending, when desperate times take hold. But the reality of love is more present then than ever. In the darkest times, Lup is always there to take hold of his hand. Instead, Barry more often than not finds himself double-checking the reality of the situation in the most mundane and domestic times. The smallest moments. The brightest moments.

(quite often, the brightest moments are the smallest ones; in a life so unpredictable and dangerous, the most pleasure is found in moments of normality, when they can forget about the big picture)

An example is during a cycle – a number in the late 60’s, maybe the 67th or 68th – where late in the year, Barry and Lup decided to take a week’s break from research. They had been working every day, non-stop, to try and find a way to protect themselves and their friends. Their family. The break was well deserved. Barry remembers clearly a moment he fell more impossibly in love with Lup, something he had not thought it was possible to do.

Barry had awoken late in the afternoon. He and Lup had been up until late talking about everything and anything. Talking turned to kissing and kissing led to their bedroom and their bedroom led to the inevitable and the necessary from there on. It was definitely a well-deserved break. The two of them needed it – the intimacy and connection and break from reality. They needed to be close without having to think about the Hunger or their possible deaths. It was a good night – but it is the morning that Barry remembers. He remembers waking to golden light pouring in through a window on the Starblaster as the ship hovered above land. He blinked and shifted, rubbing his eyes sleepily, taking time to adjust to the new day. He felt Lup shift against him and heard a soft voice.

“Morning, nerd.” She mumbled.

“Morning, love.” Barry chuckled, kissing her shoulder softly. She hummed in response, stretching out like a cat in a way that only her and Taako seem to be able to do. Lup took a moment before rolling over to face Barry, blinking sleep from her eyes and smiling up at him.

“Babe?” She asked, pausing until she was sure she had Barry’s attention. “You know I was head over heels in love with you _many_ cycles before you dropped the feelings bomb on me, right?”

“I know.” Barry sighed. “I was scared.”

“I know.” Lup echoed unintentionally. There was a smile on her face that reached her eyes. The sunlight turned her to gold, all of her – from her skin to her eyes to her hair. She was radiant. Barry was helpless. “What else are you scared of, Barry? Like… really scared of?”

Barry remembers being taken aback by the question. Inquisitiveness is a trademark personality trait of the Tacco’s, and questions like this were common. But not 5 minutes after waking up. But that is why Barry loves Lup – why he loved her then and loves her now and will love her until the day he dies. So he thought about her question, with Lup playing with a curled lock of his hair as she waited.

“I have a few things.”

“Tell me them.”

“Okay.” Barry paused. “I’m scared of nothing. Not – not as in not scared of anything. Obviously. That would be contradictory but – okay. You get me. Sorry. I meant I’m scared of… nothingness. Oblivion, I guess. I hate it. I hate dying – we should be used to it, I know but… shit. It scares me.”

Lup nodded. “I feel you. What else?”

“Spiders. For real.”

“ _Barry._ ” Lup cautioned, but not without laughing. Barry chuckled and kissed her head before thinking again.

“I mean. I guess… more than anything, I’m… I’m scared of losing you, Lup.” Lup tilted her head slightly, her hand resting over Barry’s chest, feeling each thud of his heart as if it were more precious to her than the light of creation. “I know its… an irrational fear. I know you come back to me each year. But even then… watching you die…”

Barry’s voice cracked. In an instant Lup had pulled him close, her arms tangled around him and their foreheads pressed together. Barry kept talking.

“I’m scared of what I’d do if you died and… didn’t come back. I couldn’t – I don’t think I could do it, Lup.”

Lup smiled and Barry felt it just as much as he saw it. Felt a pang in his chest that hurt but felt so, so homely all at once. “You don’t have to think if you could do it or not, Barry.” She mumbled, pressing a kiss to Barry’s lips. “Because you will never have to do it.”

A pause.

“I will always, _always_ come back to you.”

In that moment, Barry had fallen more in love with Lup than he had thought possible. And from then on out, he continued to fall. Not just with the serious conversations lit by sunlight, but with each and every single thing that she did. He falls for her when she is working, her tongue poking out between her teeth without her noticing as she concentrates on a new spell. He falls for her as she talks with Lucretia, the two friends whispering and giggling in secret like young girls at a sleepover. He falls for her as she spends time with Taako, the love between them so strong and so evident that he can feel it flood the room as they laugh. His heart breaks with her as Taako dies in the early beginnings of a cycle – and he loves her through the next ten months, supporting her and reminding her that her twin _will_ come back. He loves her on the darkest days, and the brightest. He loves her no matter what.

Barry has to pinch himself because, despite everything, he considers himself blessed. He pinches himself as a reality check. He double checks that this is real because, out of anyone in any world on any plane, his soulmate has been found and she is right here with him on whatever journey it is that they have found themselves on.

He considers himself lucky as Lup doubles over laughing after he kisses Taako’s head as a morning greeting instead of her own. He considers himself lucky as she is the last thing he sees before he sleeps and the first after he wakes up. He considers himself lucky as he has a best friend and a lover to spend time with, limitless time, when so many others struggle to find moments to spare for those that they care about. He considers himself lucky because she promised him that he will never lose her – and he believes her completely.

Barry knows he is lucky. He knows that the world is dark sometimes, and times are hard for him and his friends. He knows that they are in danger – not a day goes by without some risk – and that ultimately, their journey is a lonely one. One that may well end their lives, eventually. But he doesn’t focus on that. He focuses on his friends. He focuses on Lup. He focuses on the love of his life. He focuses on the fact that she will always come back to him.

After all, what could possibly keep them apart?

**Author's Note:**

> i ! love ! BLUPJEANS!!!!!


End file.
